I'm losing balance.
Do you feel like that?
I'm premenstrual syndrome and... it's start.
Suddenly I cry, I can't concentrate, I can't reply e-mail nor Facebook massage, eat to much and, and so on. I don't know why and when it start and when it finish. I've tried an herbal medicine and aromatherapy and yoga but still I've gotten. Some people said you should accept it and just live with it but but but...
I wanna keep my balance.
I don't wanna be mixed up.
Who can understand if I say oh, I'm sorry now I'm premenstrual syndrome so I can't reply your message or I can't do this work. Who cares?
Right now I don't look for the exactly solution but just I write down here and calm myself down.
I know the blog is not for like this. but it's my blog page. Who cares?
Sometime I really need keep company with someone, sometime I really need be alone. But already you know, actually I don't wanna be totally alone I still need stay connected that's why I wrote this, I think.
O.K. I should quit right now. I don't wanna mess you with my awful sentences.
Lastly, there are someone loves me. I feel sorry for him or her but that's a ray of hope in a such a windy and full of tears' night.
Miwa
2014年6月9日月曜日
2014年6月1日日曜日
Inner Child
I don't know how I can start this page but let me try and please give me a few minute that you can read it.
I found my inner child.
One day every things got to be one which is like a chain and it connected I and something inside me. I think that was my inner child.
Before I met her, I believed that I grew up with full of pleasure and I'd lived in comfort just same as other children. I was sociable, I got many friends even right after I moved. I had many good friends any time.
So, I felt It was conceited that if I say actually I'm not good at building a relationship with others and I think I have something problem about that point. I shouldn't whine like that because I was in such a satisfactory situation, I always thought like that.
I'm becoming 25 years old. I left my parents house when I graduate my high school. I thought I was already mature. but sadly I was not. I can't tell anything like I got a boyfriend, I had pierced ears or even I make up outside to my parents. I know it's totally ridiculous but I'm afraid to be scolded by my parents. I don't know why I am like that and I needed something answer to solve my stupid conflict.
I happened to meet the word "Inner Child".
And the web site said "No one can love you the best, except yourself"
I wanted someone to save me and love me. I complained in my mind why my parents hadn't reacted to what I was doing? I wanted to be recognized. So It was just like a primary student but now I know only I can save myself since my age and my parents' age too. Then I wept because I was relieved. I can save myself. I can and I should love myself.
The web site also said "You should get back to your childhood and say It's alright to yourself and love yourself"
I remember my childhood and it might be small matters for other person.
The time I listened eagerly to a quarrel between my parents in my bed every night.
The time my father said to me such a boring report when he looked my all "well-done" school report.
The time my parents said "our discussions always can't get anywhere" then despaired each other. I was trying to be an invisible man in the backseat.
I was good at playing alone. Sometime I dealt out cards for four person then I played alone.
Now, I just sit close to her and play with.
I don't know I can do well but I want to face my inner child gradually and find the other hidden children and then I'm going to hug her tight and say, I love you.
I read this writing again then I know my words not enough but I did all I can.
already it's midnight. I should reserve it for another time.
I have to wake up early and go to CrossFit tomorrow.
See you again. Good night.
Miwa
I found my inner child.
One day every things got to be one which is like a chain and it connected I and something inside me. I think that was my inner child.
Before I met her, I believed that I grew up with full of pleasure and I'd lived in comfort just same as other children. I was sociable, I got many friends even right after I moved. I had many good friends any time.
So, I felt It was conceited that if I say actually I'm not good at building a relationship with others and I think I have something problem about that point. I shouldn't whine like that because I was in such a satisfactory situation, I always thought like that.
I'm becoming 25 years old. I left my parents house when I graduate my high school. I thought I was already mature. but sadly I was not. I can't tell anything like I got a boyfriend, I had pierced ears or even I make up outside to my parents. I know it's totally ridiculous but I'm afraid to be scolded by my parents. I don't know why I am like that and I needed something answer to solve my stupid conflict.
I happened to meet the word "Inner Child".
And the web site said "No one can love you the best, except yourself"
I wanted someone to save me and love me. I complained in my mind why my parents hadn't reacted to what I was doing? I wanted to be recognized. So It was just like a primary student but now I know only I can save myself since my age and my parents' age too. Then I wept because I was relieved. I can save myself. I can and I should love myself.
The web site also said "You should get back to your childhood and say It's alright to yourself and love yourself"
I remember my childhood and it might be small matters for other person.
The time I listened eagerly to a quarrel between my parents in my bed every night.
The time my father said to me such a boring report when he looked my all "well-done" school report.
The time my parents said "our discussions always can't get anywhere" then despaired each other. I was trying to be an invisible man in the backseat.
I was good at playing alone. Sometime I dealt out cards for four person then I played alone.
Now, I just sit close to her and play with.
I don't know I can do well but I want to face my inner child gradually and find the other hidden children and then I'm going to hug her tight and say, I love you.
I read this writing again then I know my words not enough but I did all I can.
already it's midnight. I should reserve it for another time.
I have to wake up early and go to CrossFit tomorrow.
See you again. Good night.
Miwa
2014年5月25日日曜日
Who Am I ?
Hi, I'm Miwa.
I'm a Japanese girl however I don't live in Japan these a couple years.
I'd love to introduce myself in this first page and I think this whole blog is also going to be a my self-introduction.
I was born in 1989. (The year is the first year of Heisei era. Sometimes people said "hei, that' why the people was born in Heisei era" ironically.)
→ I want to show what my generation think and feel through my opinion in this blog.
My father was transferred several times when I was a kid. I had to change schools in my elementary and junior high school days each once.
→ I started to think about what is normal, what is common sense. I want to share it with my experience of staying some places have different culture.
I'm almost a friendly and easy going person but I have a lot of complexes in my mind.
→ I will write this blog as honest as I can even including my ugly part because I need except that is me, too.
And...yeah, that's me and that's the reason why I start this blog.
Lastly, I try to write this blog bilingual in English and Japanese but already as you know, I'm not used to writing English. Most welcome to correct my English or ask the meaning if it's not understandable.
Thank you for stopping by my page.
Miwa
Key words...
Third Culture Kids, Inner Child, Adult Children, Ethnic Identity,
はじめまして。美和です。
ここ2年ほど日本を離れていて、最近見た目が現地人かしてたと言われますが、れっきとした日本人です。
記念すべき最初のページ、自己紹介を少ししたいと思いますが、このブログ自体が私の自己紹介のようなものかもしれません。
1989年生まれ。（平成元年生まれ、ゆとり教育ど真ん中。「これだから平成生まれは…」なんて言われる対象に入っています。）
→なんとなく一括りにされるのは嫌でした。誰だってそうでしょ。だから”平成生まれ”がどんなやつなのか、私の思いや考えを発信したいと思いました。
父は転勤が多く、小学校、中学校とも1度ずつ転校しています。
→転校を期に、所変われば当たり前も変わるのだということを身をもって学びました。身近なカルチャーショックほど、新鮮さでいっぱいです。それをあなたに伝えたい！
大方私は社交的でなんとかなるさでやっていける性格です。でも自分の中に解決できない矛盾する面も持っていることに最近気づきました。
→私はこのブログで自分の恥ずかしい部分ともできるだけ正直に向き合いたいと思っています。それが今の私に必要なことだからです。
で、これが私。そしてこれが、私がこのブログを始めた理由。
日英両方で書いていこうと思っています。
自分と向き合いつつ、英語の練習もしちゃおうっていう横着な考え。それも私。
立ち寄っていただきありがとうございます。
美和
I'm a Japanese girl however I don't live in Japan these a couple years.
I'd love to introduce myself in this first page and I think this whole blog is also going to be a my self-introduction.
I was born in 1989. (The year is the first year of Heisei era. Sometimes people said "hei, that' why the people was born in Heisei era" ironically.)
→ I want to show what my generation think and feel through my opinion in this blog.
My father was transferred several times when I was a kid. I had to change schools in my elementary and junior high school days each once.
→ I started to think about what is normal, what is common sense. I want to share it with my experience of staying some places have different culture.
I'm almost a friendly and easy going person but I have a lot of complexes in my mind.
→ I will write this blog as honest as I can even including my ugly part because I need except that is me, too.
And...yeah, that's me and that's the reason why I start this blog.
Lastly, I try to write this blog bilingual in English and Japanese but already as you know, I'm not used to writing English. Most welcome to correct my English or ask the meaning if it's not understandable.
Thank you for stopping by my page.
Miwa
Key words...
Third Culture Kids, Inner Child, Adult Children, Ethnic Identity,
はじめまして。美和です。
ここ2年ほど日本を離れていて、最近見た目が現地人かしてたと言われますが、れっきとした日本人です。
記念すべき最初のページ、自己紹介を少ししたいと思いますが、このブログ自体が私の自己紹介のようなものかもしれません。
1989年生まれ。（平成元年生まれ、ゆとり教育ど真ん中。「これだから平成生まれは…」なんて言われる対象に入っています。）
→なんとなく一括りにされるのは嫌でした。誰だってそうでしょ。だから”平成生まれ”がどんなやつなのか、私の思いや考えを発信したいと思いました。
父は転勤が多く、小学校、中学校とも1度ずつ転校しています。
→転校を期に、所変われば当たり前も変わるのだということを身をもって学びました。身近なカルチャーショックほど、新鮮さでいっぱいです。それをあなたに伝えたい！
大方私は社交的でなんとかなるさでやっていける性格です。でも自分の中に解決できない矛盾する面も持っていることに最近気づきました。
→私はこのブログで自分の恥ずかしい部分ともできるだけ正直に向き合いたいと思っています。それが今の私に必要なことだからです。
で、これが私。そしてこれが、私がこのブログを始めた理由。
日英両方で書いていこうと思っています。
自分と向き合いつつ、英語の練習もしちゃおうっていう横着な考え。それも私。
立ち寄っていただきありがとうございます。
美和
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