LOSE BALANCE

I'm losing balance.

Do you feel like that?

I'm premenstrual syndrome and... it's start.

Suddenly I cry, I can't concentrate, I can't reply e-mail nor Facebook massage, eat to much and, and so on. I don't know why and when it start and when it finish. I've tried an herbal medicine and aromatherapy and yoga but still I've gotten. Some people said you should accept it and just live with it but but but...

I wanna keep my balance.
I don't wanna be mixed up.

Who can understand if I say oh, I'm sorry now I'm premenstrual syndrome so I can't reply your message or I can't do this work. Who cares?

Right now I don't look for the exactly solution but just I write down here and calm myself down.

I know the blog is not for like this. but it's my blog page. Who cares?

Sometime I really need keep company with someone, sometime I really need be alone. But already you know, actually I don't wanna be totally alone I still need stay connected that's why I wrote this, I think.

O.K. I should quit right now. I don't wanna mess you with my awful sentences.

Lastly, there are someone loves me. I feel sorry for him or her but that's a ray of hope in a such a windy and full of tears' night.

Miwa

Inner Child

I don't know how I can start this page but let me try and please give me a few minute that you can read it.


I found my inner child.

One day every things got to be one which is like a chain and it connected I and something inside me. I think that was my inner child.

Before I met her, I believed that I grew up with full of pleasure and I'd lived in comfort just same as other children. I was sociable, I got many friends even right after I moved. I had many good friends any time.
So, I felt It was conceited that if I say actually I'm not good at building a relationship with others and I think I have something problem about that point. I shouldn't whine like that because I was in such a satisfactory situation, I always thought like that.

I'm becoming 25 years old. I left my parents house when I graduate my high school. I thought I was already mature. but sadly I was not. I can't tell anything like I got a boyfriend, I had pierced ears or even I make up outside to my parents. I know it's totally ridiculous but I'm afraid to be scolded by my parents. I don't know why I am like that and I needed something answer to solve my stupid conflict.


I happened to meet the word "Inner Child".
And the web site said "No one can love you the best, except yourself"

I wanted someone to save me and love me. I complained in my mind why my parents hadn't reacted to what I was doing? I wanted to be recognized. So It was just like a primary student but now I know only I can save myself since my age and my parents' age too. Then I wept because I was relieved. I can save myself. I can and I should love myself.

The web site also said "You should get back to your childhood and say It's alright to yourself and love yourself"

I remember my childhood and it might be small matters for other person.

The time I listened eagerly to a quarrel between my parents in my bed every night.
The time my father said to me such a boring report when he looked my all "well-done" school report.
The time my parents said "our discussions always can't get anywhere" then despaired each other. I was trying to be an invisible man in the backseat.
I was good at playing alone. Sometime I dealt out cards for four person then I played alone.

Now, I just sit close to her and play with.
I don't know I can do well but I want to face my inner child gradually and find the other hidden children and then I'm going to hug her tight and say, I love you.



I read this writing again then I know my words not enough but I did all I can.
already it's midnight. I should reserve it for another time.

I have to wake up early and go to CrossFit tomorrow.
See you again. Good night.

Miwa